Transparency Sheets

I have resisted the temptation of writing a blog for some time now. Several people once (a very long time ago) pestered me about my disinterest in xanga, myspace, and just blogging in general. Why? Because I am very private person and don't like the idea of the whole world being able to read between the lines without my permission. I also don't like privacy settings, because I don't like leading others to believe that they're in my special circle because...well...that circle doesn't really exist. There are those who see me all the time because out paths cross and then there are those that don't see me ever because...well...I guess we never do the same things or attend the same events. And then there are those whom I see all the time but who never see me back...and that's not necessarily my fault.

So why, do you ask, start now? Why bother to blog when before it had no appeal? Well, if you keep reading, I will be obliged to tell you...or I could just stop writing now and leave you hanging, but I hate it when people do that, so the saga continues.

I am writing because I don't want there to be any secrets in my life. Sounds awful atfirst, but secrets are dirty despicable little things that can ruin everything if allowed to grow. Secrets, unless for the benefit of another, are usually hidden out of shame or self-preservation. I can tell you right now that there are plenty of things I've done that I should very well be ashamed of. But I have recently discovered the beauty of transparency and the healing joy that comes from the truth. If I am to live a life of truth, I must live in God's light, which penetrates the darkness of my nature and exposes my brokeness for the world to see. Fortunately the light of God is one of grace, and when the cracks of my soul are fleshed out in the daylight, the great shoemaker can finally make repairs. And that's where I am right now. I am in the process of being renewed. No where near perfect, I can assure you, but I have embraced the gentle hands of the healer and have finally began the great surrender.

I am writing because a dear friend of mine has a blog and writes such wonderfully beautiful thoughts that I nearly fall in love with what he has written every time. His words scream the love of God and have changed the way that I see the world. I thought that maybe if I wrote, someone else might be encouraged to see another human being struggle with the same things they struggle with...or to see that someone else thinks about the same mundane daydreams that they also think...or perhaps maybe God can love them through the things that I write. I only say that because I have felt so loved by God by this dear friend's blog. The wonders of the Lord are a mystery to me, especially his ability to use people without them knowing.

I am also writing because I know that there will come a time when I'm caught in the middle of a terrible storm and hope seems rather dim. This is where I need accountability and encouragement. Strength is found in the body of Christ when we fellowship together. When I enter the professional world as a tentmaker, I will need a way to communicate thoughts, struggles, and the like with those who are far from me, but who know the same Jesus. And maybe one of those people will value the fellowship I long for just as much as I do, and comment on what I have written. And as long as I am able I would like to do the same.

I guess in a way, I have decided to become a transparency sheet...and hopefully as I grow, words of worship will be written on my heart so that when God shines the overhead projector, words that praise and glorify God are what is seen.